I feel so blessed right now. I honestly felt I would never be a mom. I prayed and prayed to God that he would send me a child when the time was right, and I could handle it.
Each month I would secretly hope that this was the month that it would happen. And each time I would be disappointed. Part of me was so sad, and another was glad that I could still be selfish and only worry about myself and Scot. But I wanted so badly to love a little part of me and Scot.
All of my friends would encourage me that God would give me a baby when I was ready, and I really took that to heart. They were right, if I stopped thinking about it, worrying about it, it would happen. Thankfully the stress of school and life took my mind off of it.
The month of April my period was late. I didn't think anything of it, mainly because I didn't want to be disappointed. But I started a week later, with my full 7 days (awful, I know). Although I had started, I was nauseous. But I wrote it off as being in my head.
I started my period May 9th, which is on time. The only problem was it only lasted a day and a half. This concerned me. Not only that, my breats were INCREDIBLY sore. This wasn't usual at all, so I had made up my mind to take a pregnancy test.
I went and tanned yesterday, and while laying in the tanning bed I decided to pray. I prayed: "God if I am pregnant, please let Scot find a great job so that we can provide for this baby, and give it a better life than Scot and I had. I will cherish this baby. Amen."
After tanning I went to babysit at Kristin's. Scot called me and told me he got a job!!! I was estatic. On the way home I bought a Clear Blue Easy digital pregnancy test and went straight home.
I took the test and while waiting, Scot went over to check on it. I asked if it was still blinking, and he said yes, and for me to look at it. So I got up, and it read: PREGNANT. I could not believe it. It must be wrong. I was jumping up and down, and then I bawled.
I still cannot wrap my mind around it. It doesn't not feel real at all. But I am so excited to see what the future holds!!