RIP swing and a lot of other mumbo jumbo

The swing that I so lovingly talked about a few posts back, died yesterday. I knew I'd have to change the batteries soon because it was moving kind of slow, but Marlee has only used it for about 3 weeks now! We replaced the batteries and it stood there...not swining...completely still. GREAT! So I made Scot go get a new one. Had I thought the idea through I would have gone myself. What did he come back with? A Winnie the Pooh swing.

Ok, I like Winnie the Pooh. It's cute, kids like it. But I personally don't want to decorate my house with Winnie the Pooh items. Putting that aside, the swing came with a plug, YES!!!!! No more batteries (even though we bought a huge pack of C batteries). Scot put it together and Marlee loved it.

Please don't let that face mislead you!

We are on day three of the harness. So far so good! She is still able to kick her legs out (which she does very often). AND I can put a blanket on her at night and it stays in the exact same position the whole 8 hours that she sleeps. HAHA! Last night was her first night of freedom. She gets 30 mins a day to be out of the harness. We used this time last night for a bath and a harness-free feeding. I was putting babyoil on her back and couldn't resist getting Scot to snap these pictures!

These actually take me back to my infant stage, I had so many booty pictures taken! Even looking at these I am overwhelmed with love for her!

Last night after Marlee went to bed I attempted my first project on my sewing machine. It was interesting to say the least. I attempted baby tights made from an old stretchy t-shirt. This project was very much trial an error because this was the firsrt time I've sewed in my life! It is not perfect, there are a few holes, and a I ran out of thread in the end. Here it is:

                                     

I'll continue to perfect it. They turned out kind of cute, don't you think?!

Here are a few pics I've snapped, enjoy!

A hormonal basket case?

Yes I am. I figured by now I'd be back to normal. This seems silly to me because it's been three months. After giving birth to Marlee I was a little emotional because she was in the NICU and not home with us. The first day home I completely over did it. I felt great, only minor pain down below, and I went to Walmart and Target to return a few gifts. By the time I got home I whole heartedly regreted my decision. In pain or not I wanted to be at the hospital with my baby. Scot had other plans, he said I needed to stay at home and rest. This devestated me. Marlee needed me, I needed to be there for her. I cried for hours, I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop.

Once she came home I was completely happy, no more crying. As time has passed I feel like I've become more emotional. I feel like I cannot protect my daughter now that she is out in the world. We have already gone through so much with her. Our adventure at the Scottish Rite hospital has really put a spin on my emotions. Taken it over the top, I think.

I cry while I feed her. I look at her and I am so overwhelmed with emotions for this beautiful little girl. Emotions I have never felt in my life. I hurt for people I know or don't know who have lost a child. I cannot imagine their pain.

Maybe it's my hormones still trying to settle, or maybe it's Aunt Flo's fault!

I still crave cereal

It's true, I still get up super late at night (around 3-5 am) and eat a bowl of cereal. This was my nightly ritual in the last 4 months of pregnancy. The difference between then an now is that I was completely happy with my big baby bump and body, and now my body is a complete WRECK.

I have never had a perfect body, ever. But I have always been confident in the way I look. While I was pregnant, I had never felt better. I was so happy with myself and the life inside of me. It dawned on me once or twice how my body would change afterwards, but I didn't dwell on it.

Instead of gaining during my pregnancy, I lost weight. 22 pounds to be exact. I gained a total of 11 pounds and 13 pounds of fluid in the last week before delivery (yes I was a balloon by 36 weeks). As soon as I delivered I was 20 pounds lighter. 5.12 pounds was Marlee, the rest was afterbirth and fluid. By 3 weeks I had lost 25 more pounds! I honestly felt good. I had a perfect little bundle of joy and lost more weight than I had expected.

Now I am at a stand still. I have not gained or lost, I'm stuck. I am completely unhappy with myself. I was put on Loestrin 24 by my doctor and it has wrecked my face. I have broken out on my chin constantly. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror because when I do I cringe. I see disgusting acne. I have NEVER in my 24 years had this problem. Yes, I've had the occassional zit, but never anything like this.

Not only am I breaking out constantly, but my hair is falling out...EVERYWHERE. Oh and I have gray hairs. I'm serious, I have gray hairs. I can only the see the ones in the front, I don't even want to see the back of my head!

I am only 3 months post partum and I have heard it takes 9 months to get your body and hormones back to normal. I want it to hurry up and happen. I am tired of feeling ugly and thinking my fiance finds me unattractive. It's hurting our relationship! I need my confidence back!

my little froggy

We have been waiting for this day for a few weeks now. The Scottish Rite Hospital for Children has loomed in my thoughts since we found out Marlee's left hip has slight dysplasia. Now I want you to know, going into this I figured Marlee was completely fine and would need no treatment. I mean she's my child and utterly perfect. And the fact that we have been through a lot with this kid made me wish this even more.

Of course, we never get our way. We spent a total of three hours at the hospital. First we saw a resident who was extremely tall and definitely didn't lack in the "good looking" department...seriously he gives a good name to doctors! He acessed Marlee's hips and she was, of course, stubborn as could be. So to make absolutely sure what they were working with, he ordered an ultrasound.

An ultrasound was nothing new for us. The hospital, however, was and we got lost. After we finally found where we were going we went into an ultrasound room with a tech who's name slips my mind. As she started the ultrasound her phone rang. "Sure go ahead and answer it" BIG MISTAKE! That opened up the flood gates to her personal life to which I didn't care. She proceeded to tell me her son was in private school and she couldn't afford it because her husband of 25 years left her for a stripper, YES A STRIPPER. This lasted for a good 30 mins. Finally it was over and we were sent back to our room.

We were then greated by her doctor, Dr. Hering. He's an older man and definitely looks and sounds like he knows what he's talking about. He was followed by the tall handsome resident and another younger doctor who's name was Nick (he was a cutie too!). Dr. Hering said, "Marlee has an abnormality in her left hip that has the ability to easily slip out of socket. We will put her in a harness for 6 weeks. This treatment is 99% effective and we're expecting great results." My heart sank. While I was happy for the treatment and its effectiveness, I was sad to put Marlee through this. I know the routine all too well because my hips were out of socket when I was born. I went through the same ordeal only earlier in life.

A nurse and Dr. Nick showed me how to put the harness on her. She has to wear it for 23.5 hours a day. She gets 30 minutes of freedom a day. Every other day that 30 mins will go toward either her evening bath or tummy/freedom time. I pray that the next 6 weeks fly by for Marlee's sake!

Aside from our adventure today, my little stinker is 14 weeks old. Can you believe it?! She is growing so big and smiles all the time. She absolutely makes my day everyday. I love being a mom.

Spring is here!

As I write this, it's storming outside. Our first spring storm is upon us!!! Although In love winter, spring is my second favorite season. I enjoy the storms, especially the severe ones. There is something about a severe thunderstorm that gets your adrenaline going!

The past two days have been great. Yesterday we went to lunch with Scot's Dad. I don't look forward to our meetings. This might sound mean, but there is something about Scot's dad that rubs me the wrong way. Have you ever met that guy (old or young) who knows it all? Not only does he know it all, but you know nothing and he lets you know that. He has done and seen everything. If I ask a question or throw in some input he is quick to disagree or make me feel stupid. I now know where Scot gets it from. We have had many fights over the way he [Scot] reacts to my questions or comments. Infact when we are around his dad, I feel that Scot's attitude changes for the worse. It is very aggravating, but I tend to ignore it.

Aside from his dad's attitude we had a fairly good afternoon. At 5 I went to Kristin's to babysit Tanner and Grace. I brought Marlee along so they could finally meet her. They were amazed at how little she was. I don't think they understood why she wasn't their size! They "oooed and awwwed" for a while and Grace was very into helping and telling me that Marlee was hungry. I finally got home around 9:15, needless to say it was a long night. And to add to it, Marlee was incredibly cranky last night. She fell asleep in her swing and slept all night in her crib. She's such a big girl!

I babysat again today until 2 o'clock. Afterwards we went to Kid-to-Kid. I have been there once before to buy some bows, but haven't ever looked at their clothes selection. I found A LOT of stuff, but selected 4 things and only spent 11 dollars!!

Scot is a big Aggies fan, so when I found the Gig'Em onesie I had to get it. Lucky for me it was only $2.50! I figured it would make Scot's day if she wore it, so when we got home he was napping and I slipped it on her and we went to wake him up. He loved it! Except the ruffles; he seems to think girls don't need ruffles. I BEG TO DIFFER!

Dear swing, I love you

Marlee has absolutely hated her swing from day one. I could understand, it's nothing fancy and very boring (in my opinion). When picking out a swing the first quality I wanted was cozy. I figured the baby would be spending quite a bit of time in there. The second quality was cute, I'm a woman what do you expect?! After finding out Marlee was a girl all I thought was GIRLY! I very much regret this because she hated her swing...until now. It seems she's grow into it and has taken quite a liking to it.

Last night Marlee was having an "off" night. She was exhausted and fighting it whole heartedly. She screamed for about an hour before I set her in the swing. I prayed for silence and sleep. As soon as I pressed 4 and the swing started, she was quiet (beat that, paci!). Three mins later she was out. I picked her up, put her in her crib, and she didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. Thank you swing, for doing your job!

While we're on the subject of jobs, Scot is now working 4-8's since the time changed. This means I won't see him all day, unless we get lucky and someone cancels a job. The good thing: more money (to spend on diapers, formula, clothes, and bows!

A few days ago I did a DIY Easter photo session with Marlee. They turned out wonderfully! I am going to send out cards to family and friends for Easter. Here are a few of them.

I just love this little girl!

a late update and Marlee turns 3 months

I'm a few days late...please forgive me!

Marlee has done so well in her crib. I thought that this whole experience might be hard on us both. I really didn't know how she would react to not being close to us during the night. Quite honestly I don't think she knows the difference! While this makes me happy I am also sad that my little girl is growing up and becoming independent (even if she doesn't know it) and sleeping on her own. As I have said before, I love having her so close to me!

Today Marlee turned 3 months old. UNBELIEVABLE!!! It doesn't feel like this journey has already been 3 months long. I am so excited to see my little girl grow! She is becoming so fun!

HAPPY 3 MONTH BIRTHDAY MARLEE ADDISYN!!