Saturday, March 27, 2010

I still crave cereal

It's true, I still get up super late at night (around 3-5 am) and eat a bowl of cereal. This was my nightly ritual in the last 4 months of pregnancy. The difference between then an now is that I was completely happy with my big baby bump and body, and now my body is a complete WRECK.

I have never had a perfect body, ever. But I have always been confident in the way I look. While I was pregnant, I had never felt better. I was so happy with myself and the life inside of me. It dawned on me once or twice how my body would change afterwards, but I didn't dwell on it.

Instead of gaining during my pregnancy, I lost weight. 22 pounds to be exact. I gained a total of 11 pounds and 13 pounds of fluid in the last week before delivery (yes I was a balloon by 36 weeks). As soon as I delivered I was 20 pounds lighter. 5.12 pounds was Marlee, the rest was afterbirth and fluid. By 3 weeks I had lost 25 more pounds! I honestly felt good. I had a perfect little bundle of joy and lost more weight than I had expected.

Now I am at a stand still. I have not gained or lost, I'm stuck. I am completely unhappy with myself. I was put on Loestrin 24 by my doctor and it has wrecked my face. I have broken out on my chin constantly. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror because when I do I cringe. I see disgusting acne. I have NEVER in my 24 years had this problem. Yes, I've had the occassional zit, but never anything like this.

Not only am I breaking out constantly, but my hair is falling out...EVERYWHERE. Oh and I have gray hairs. I'm serious, I have gray hairs. I can only the see the ones in the front, I don't even want to see the back of my head!

I am only 3 months post partum and I have heard it takes 9 months to get your body and hormones back to normal. I want it to hurry up and happen. I am tired of feeling ugly and thinking my fiance finds me unattractive. It's hurting our relationship! I need my confidence back!

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