Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What makes a friend?

For about four months now I have been questioning this. All through my life I have had friends, not hoards of them. But the kind of friends that you keep for a life time. Most of the people I call friends I have known for 5 or more years.

I have been through a lot with my friends. Elementary school, middle school, high school, graduating! A lot of big milestones.

I try to be the best friend possible. I am there for anyone who needs me. If you're drunk at a bar and need someone to pick you up, I'm there. I've done that, because that is what friends do. Your boyfriend cheated on you. I'll drop everything to be by your side and comfort you and tell you I'll kick his ass and be there for you. I've done that, because that is what friends do. You just want to veg out on a friday night and stuff your face with honey grams and cream cheese frosting. You better believe I'm down and will be there in a minute. I've done that, because that is what friends do.

While I try to be the best friend possible, maybe I set my friend standards too high. I think if I am capable of doing these things, it should be possible for other people to do the same. I mean that's what people want right? To get in return what they give? So why is it that at the end of the day I feel defeated and friendless?

Why is it that I make it to birthday parties, going away parties, any kind of important get together, but if it's for me it can't be done. Texts are ignored. Believe it or not that hurts. I think that 16 years of being friends means something. Infact I used to call you my best friend.

When is it time to end a friendship? When it's one sided? When you text and text and never get a response? When you have a baby and never hear from them again? Maybe when you ask them to be involved in the most important day of your life, and ask them an important question involving your family, and then they disappear? I can't distinguish when to cut the strings. I so badly want to be involved in my friends lives that it hurts me when that feeling isn't returned. Maybe I'm too sensitive.

While I have friendships I question, I know that I have a few wonderful friends. And I love and cherish what we have.


1 comment:

  1. I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. It's funny too, because then you have a baby and all your priorities change. You start to realize how much effort you were putting in to people who didn't give it back. I know having Clint has made me re-evaluate who deserves my time and energy, and in a way, I'm proud to say I've successfully changed some of those relationships to make them less important, but I'm also still struggling with others. We really do have to be thankful for those in our lives that leave us no room for doubt or questions because they are THERE, every time! :)